


moral compass

by goorgoahead



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, College AU, F/M, Introspection, M/M, affair, but mainly it’s just hinted at, for swearing and mild sexual scenes, idk what to tag, it’s not graphic at all trust me, i’m not great with ratings but i left it at teen, no happy ending, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-25 21:42:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19754353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goorgoahead/pseuds/goorgoahead
Summary: he whispers it, like if he says it quietly it’s not as terrible, like he’s not going behind his friend’s back with her own boyfriend, like he’s not encouraging all of this.orlucas hooked up with some guy at a party, and when he went back downstairs, his friend lucille introduced him as her boyfriend, and lucas is fucked.





	1. bad idea

**Author's Note:**

> so this is probably going to be two or three chapters long but i’m not sure yet. also the title is a work in progress and may change.
> 
> this is actually based on something that happened to me. it didn’t end great for me but i might change that here. 
> 
> my tumblr is ‘butforwardiscalling’

as lucas closes the door behind him, he straightens his t-shirt, trying to make it look like it hadn’t just been rucked up by some handsome stranger as he went down on lucas in the bathroom. said stranger, eliott, if lucas is remembering correctly but he’s had more than a little to drink tonight, turns to look at him before they head downstairs.

“you should give me your phone number,” he says, holding out his phone for lucas to take.

lucas types his number into the phone, entering his name and quickly handing back the phone. their fingers brush together. eliott winks before speaking again.

“i’ll see you around, babe,” he says, before slipping down the stairs and disappearing into the crowd, leaving lucas to stand dazedly at the top on the stairs.

he doesn’t usually do this sort of thing, hook up with strangers in the bathroom, but when eliott whispered in his ear to follow him upstairs, after they been dancing together, lucas couldn’t find it in himself to say no.

he stands there for another couple of seconds, before gathering himself and fixing his hair, and going to brave the crowds of the party still raging below him.

he pushes his way through the throngs of people half-dancing, half-swaying to the beat because there’s hardly any room to move. no sight of eliott, which is probably a good thing because lucas thinks his knees might give out if he sees him and his gorgeous smile again.

he’s looking to see if he can catch a glimpse of yann and the boys or one of the girls when he hears someone call his name.

“lucas. hey lucas, wait up.”

lucas turns to see lucille, a girl from his physics class that he would consider a good friend at this point. they bonded over the fact that they both hated physics with a burning passion and the fact that they had both just broken up with douchbags when they first met.

he likes lucille a lot actually. she’s chill, and actually one of the only people he feels that he can talk about guys with, as childish as that sounds. the boys are well meaning but awkward and the girls are a little too enthusiastic (or not even a little bit enthusiastic in imane’s case). she’s cool and they always get a laugh out of their dating stories.

lucas is about to open his mouth to tell her about what had just happened in the bathroom, hoping to laugh it off and forget eliott’s hypnotic stare when he finds himself on the receiving end of it again. eliott is trailing behind lucille. lucas’ eyes move down to their hands where they’re joined and before he can even begin to make sense of the situation, lucille speaks again.

“lucas, i want to introduce you to my boyfriend.” lucille smiles as she looks back at eliott, whose gaze still hadn’t left lucas’ face. lucille obviously doesn’t think anything of it and turns back to lucas, who doesn’t say anything either so she continues.

“remember i told you about him?” she prompts, “the one i met in that art class.”

lucas does remember. she told him about how she had been modelling for a portraiture class for some extra money (“nude” she had giggled), and how one of the artists had approached her afterwards and asked her out. they had a right laugh about it during physics class, but lucas wasn’t laughing now. in fact, he felt sick to his stomach, and it wasn’t just the alcohol.

he decides that he can’t stand to have this conversation, can’t stand to have lucille introduce him to the boyfriend who had just been on his knees in front of lucas not even twenty minutes ago. god, lucas is pretty sure he’s got a hickey in full view right now as proof. he decides that he doesn’t want to put himself or lucille through it. eliott or whatever his name was can choke for all he cares; fuck him for doing that to lucille. and fuck the way he’s still staring at lucas like he could devour him right here, right now. god, lucas needs to get out of this room, get some fresh air.

“sorry lucille,” is all he says, “i’m leaving now actually. i’m in a bit of hurry. maybe some other time, though.”

he feels like an asshole as he watches lucille’s face fall but he knows that he saving them both a bit of heartache so he lets it go. he pushes past them both and heads towards the front door.

when he gets outside, he leans against the wall of the house, head tilted back towards the dark sky, eyes closed, breathing deeply. he can’t get eliott’s eyes out of his head. if eliott had kept staring at lucas like that for much longer, he doesn’t know what he would have done. god, lucas was weak. this guy cheats on his friend _with_ lucas, and he’s back to considering hooking up with him again after a few seconds of his eyes boring into him. it’s terrible and it obviously won’t happen again, but jesus, if it wasn’t a close thing.

lucas rubs at his eyes, and pulls out his phone, intending to send a text to yann to let him know that lucas was heading home, when he hears the front door open again. he looks around and finds himself face to face with eliott. again.

eliott speaks before he has the chance to say anything. as if he could think of anything to say right now, anyway.

“hey.”

his casual tone pisses lucas off to no end.

“why didn’t you tell me?” lucas asks, irritated.

eliott looks momentarily chastised before he shakes his head.

“would you have still went?” eliott replies.

“obviously not but that’s the whole point of telling people that you’ve got a girlfriend; if they’re okay with cheating then they’ll hook up with you, if not then they won’t,” lucas rages. he feels taken advantage of, lied to.

“and you’re not okay with it?” eliott asks because he’s an idiot because of course lucas isn’t down with helping his friend’s boyfriend cheat on her.

“no, of course i’m not,” he says.

“that’s too bad,” eliott says, taking a step closer to lucas, “because i figured that as long as lucille doesn’t find out then we can keep this going.”

“are you out of your mind? jesus, why don’t you break up with her if you’re so eager to date other people?”

eliott gives him a once over, top to toe, before replying.

“are _you_ looking for a relationship?” he asks lucas.

“not really,” he answers, not really sure he likes where this conversation is going.

“then why bother break up with her? we can keep it casual,” eliott says easily, like it’s the most obvious solution to their problem.

“you’re disgusting.” lucas definitely doesn’t like where this conversation is going, because he has a feeling that he won’t be about to resist eliott for much longer.

“and you’re obviously interested,” eliott says

“fuck you.”

but there’s no real malice behind the words. it’s like eliott can sense his resolve wavering because he moves even closer, crowding lucas back against the wall.

“tell me to stop and i will.”

lucas doesn’t say anything and then he’s being kissed. and it’s wonderful which only makes lucas feel more guilty. but soon all thoughts of lucille and her feelings are vanished from his mind as eliott pushes him against the wall, no space between their bodies. lucas lets it happen for a few moments, lets himself enjoy it, before coming to his senses to realise that they are still in a very public place and he’s got his friend’s boyfriend pressed up against him, half hard, and hands wandering. he pushes eliott off of him. lucas has never been more disgusted with himself than he is when he utters the next sentence.

“my roommates are out for the weekend,” he whispers, like if he says it quietly it’s not as terrible, like he’s not going behind his friend’s back with her own boyfriend, like he’s not encouraging all of this.

eliott grins and holds out his hand.

“lead the way, baby.”

and, god, lucas is fucked.


	2. the morning after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lucas wakes up the morning after sleeping with eliott, but he doesn’t have time to wallow in self pity for long, as yann arrives home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so just a short chapter. i have two more chapters written after this so this will probably end up being about five chapters long.
> 
> my tumblr is ‘butforwardiscalling’

when he wakes up the next morning, everywhere hurts. his head from the hangover, his hips for an entirely different reason, and his chest just aches with utter disgust at himself for what he’s done. 

he doesn’t have time to dwell on it, though, because he hears voices coming from his kitchen, which doesn’t make any sense. yann and the boys were supposed to be staying in the girls apartment last night because they were all heading to a festival this morning and would be gone all weekend, not to be back until monday.

lucas stirs himself, putting on some boxers that he’s not quite sure belong to him, and chances a quick glance in the mirror before leaving his room. dark purple marks adorn his collarbones and there are angry red scratch marks lining his sides and surely trail all up along his back too but he can’t see them. he shakes himself and heads towards the kitchen.

seeing eliott in the daytime somehow makes lucas feel worse. it’s like having a light shone on all of the terrible things he did. as if they’re less terrible in the dark. eliott, of course, is even more gorgeous in the morning light and lucas’ chest starts to ache again, but he can’t figure out quite why.

instead, lucas turns his focus to yann, who is sitting across from eliott at the kitchen table. both boys are holding mugs; coffee in eliott’s, tea in yann’s. yann looks up and smiles tiredly at him.

“hey bro,” yann says.

“hey,” lucas situates himself on the kitchen counter, as far away from eliott as he can get in the small kitchen, “i thought you were all going to that festival this weekend?”

yann rubs his eyes before replying.

“yeah, the rest of them left this morning, but i was too hungover,” yann chuckles, “i said i’d go home and sleep it off, and follow them on the bus tomorrow morning.”

eliott laughs at this, bringing lucas’ attention fully towards him for the first time this morning. they make eye contact but don’t say anything. yann can clearly sense the tension, sexual or otherwise.

he clears his throat.

“anyway, it’s no big deal,” he says, standing up and putting his own mug in the sink, “the best acts are on sunday anyway.”

he turns to lucas.

“i’m heading to bed. give me a shout if you need me.” he claps his hand on lucas’ bare shoulder before walking out of the kitchen, bringing with him all of the ease in the room and leaving behind only awkwardness and silence.

neither eliott or lucas seemed to want to be the one who broke that silence. lucas busied himself making a cup of strong coffee, before sitting down in the seat that yann had just vacated. 

eliott is the one to speak first.

“so last night...”

lucas puts his face in his hands.

“god, just- don’t. please don’t, eliott.”

“lucas, like i said; this can just be a casual thing.”

lucas doesn’t respond. instead, he drinks his coffee. it’s scalding but a welcome distraction. they sit in silence for a little longer before lucas speaks.

“i think you should leave, eliott. this can’t happen again, and you can’t tell anybody about this,” lucas looks eliott right in his eyes, “lucille is my friend. do you get it? this cannot happen again. in fact, this never happened, just forget about it.”

eliott looks serious for about half a second, before letting out a quiet little laugh. lucas narrows his eyes at him. eliott gets up out of his seat and positions himself against the table in front of lucas, almost in his lap.

“lucas, be honest. you enjoyed it,” eliott actually does slip into his lap now, legs either side of lucas’ hips, “now, your roommate is asleep and i say we take advantage of it.”

it would be so easy. all lucas has to do push eliott off him and tell him to leave. but lucas doesn’t do that. instead, he places his hands on eliott’s thighs, slowly sliding them up to his hips.

“we shouldn’t-,” lucas begins to say but he’s cut off by eliott.

“who’s to say what we should and shouldn’t do?” he says, “no one’s here.”

and with that, eliott stands and pulls lucas up beside him. eliott slides his hands around lucas’ waist and kisses him. as they kiss, lucas begins to move them towards his bedroom again, walking eliott backwards. lucas shouldn’t want this, should push eliott away and tell lucille that’s she’s dating an asshole. but he doesn’t. he lets eliott push him down into his mattress and fuck him. again. because he wants this. he wants eliott.

and he hates himself for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading. the next chapter should be up soon. my tumblr is ‘butforwardiscalling’, so come say hey.


	3. falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lucas thought he could do casual. turns out he was wrong. lucas finds himself falling for eliott.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another short chapter! this is getting to be a habit. anyway, i’m already working on chapter five but it’s slow going. anyway my tumblr is ‘butforwardiscalling’.

lucas thought he could do casual. it’s not like he was looking for another serious relationship, not after his last boyfriend. and it wasn’t like he was cheating on anyone. sure, he was helping eliott to cheat on his friend, but still. he should be fine. this should be fine. the sex was great and eliott was always good company; so why did he feel so fucking awful.

in truth, lucas was probably making the whole situation worse. if he was being completely honest, he liked spending time with eliott. after they hook up, eliott usually invites him to stay and eat and listen to music or watch a film or something. but even that wasn’t enough for lucas nowadays. he started hanging out with lucille more outside of class, in the hopes of seeing eliott outside of the little bubble they’ve created for themselves.

lucas must be a glutton for punishment because, yes, he gets to see eliott but he also has to see lucille hold his hand and kiss him and sit in his lap. he can admit, if only to himself, that he wants to be in lucille’s place, and seeing her always leaves lucas with the most uncomfortable mix of guilt and jealousy.

eliott wasn’t the asshole lucas thought he was, really. yeah, he was cheating on his girlfriend, but there was so much more to eliott than he first realised. he loves music, and he loves to draw. he’s passionate about the things he does. he cares about what lucas has to say, which is a change from some of his other boyfriends. he loves to listen to lucas play piano, which is a special privilege that not many are afforded.

sometimes lucas catches eliott looking at him in an odd way, like he actually feels something for him, like this was more than just casual for eliott. lucas hates the fact that this excites him.

the worst part was lucille, though. if eliott was dating some girl he didn’t know, then the whole thing probably wouldn’t have bothered lucas so much, maybe he could even enjoy the whole setup. but that wasn’t the case. lucas knows lucille, lucas likes lucille. lucille is his friend, a good friend. she didn’t deserve this.

if lucas ignores lucille and the obvious effect she has on the fate of lucas and eliott’s “relationship”, lucas thinks that that’s what this could be. a relationship. their “agreement”, their “friends with benefits” situation, has stopped feeling quite so casual.

sometimes eliott comes by to hang out, and they won’t even have sex. sometimes he just sits and draws while lucas does his homework and then they order in dinner and watch a film, and then eliott will stay over. sometimes eliott calls him “baby” or “babe”, and not it a way that says ‘i’m-having-sex-with-you-this-is-a-nickname-meant-to-tease-you’ but instead in a way that says ‘you’re-my-boyfriend-this-is-a-term-of-endearment’. lucas’ heart hurts everytime eliott says it. because, despite his best efforts, lucas seems to have fallen for eliott.

is he in love with him? probably not. but god, he wants to be with eliott so bad. he wants to be with eliott like lucille is with eliott; he wants to hold his hand and call him “baby” and pick him up from class and kiss him in public and all of the things that go along with being in a relationship. lucas knows that it’s a bad idea, he’s known that from the start, that eliott is the type of guy who cheats on whoever he’s dating, no matter what. hell, lucas is living proof of that. but the fluttering feeling in his stomach just won’t listen to reason.

everytime that eliott gets vulnerable, lets down his walls for lucas to see behind his mask, like when eliott told him about his bipolarity, lucas finds himself caring more and more for eliott. he just can’t help himself. he knows he’s going to get hurt. in lucas’ head, he knows that there is not a single way, in any universe, that this could end well for any of them, but in his heart, lucas believes that if eliott broke up with lucille, that he’d want to be with lucas, for real. that what they have is more to eliott than just sex.

it’s slowly breaking lucas down, seeing eliott and lucille together. if the jealousy is painful, then the guilt is excruciating. eliott just keeps saying that it’s complicated. _it’s complicated, it’s complicated, i can’t break up with her, it’s complicated._

apparently, lucille hadn’t told lucas the whole truth about her and eliott. apparently, they had dated in high school. she was with him all through his diagnosis and when he failed his bac and moved schools. they had broken up before university, but had gotten back together when she modelled for his art class.

eliott says that they have a long history, and that he owes her a lot, but he never goes into detail. lucas begs him to reconsider, says that that’s not a healthy basis for a relationship, but eliott doesn’t seem to care.

so lucas suffers through it. he suffers through the guilt and the jealousy and the self hatred for a relationship that won’t ever be anything other than “casual”. why does he do it to himself? maybe it’s because he thinks he deserves to suffer for what he’s doing to lucille; that’s what he would say if you asked him. but in reality, it’s because he’s selfish. if he can’t have all of eliott, then he’s willing to take anything he can get. so he suffers through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! my tumblr is ‘butforwardiscalling’, come say hey.


	4. breaking point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lucas snaps on a friday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the second last chapter. i’m still not quite sure how i’m going to end this. i’m still struggling to write the last chapter. 
> 
> my tumblr is ‘butforwardiscalling’.

lucas snaps on a friday.

he walks to the bus stop with purpose and confidence, but by the time he’s actually on the bus, his determination is starting to wane. but this was not the time to be doubting his actions; he knew what he had to do.

when he arrived at eliott’s apartment building, he buzzed the intercom to be let up. eliott’s voice sounded surprised but not unpleasantly so. he let him in straight away. when he reached the door, eliott already had it open, stepping aside so lucas could come in. lucas doesn’t go in, though. instead, he stops right in front of the door.

“aren’t you coming in?” eliott asks, “i have thai food.”

“eliott, i can’t do this anymore,” lucas says, vaguely, but he knows that eliott understands.

“what are you taking about?”

“it’s too much, okay? it’s too much for me,” lucas says, holding up his hands as if in surrender.

“lucas, please-“ eliott starts to say but lucas cuts him off.

“no, i can’t. the guilt is eating away at me, and if it’s not that then it’s the jealousy of seeing you two together.”

“lucas, god, don’t do this,” eliott says, and if lucas didn’t know any better, he might think that eliott was begging, “you know you don’t want to do this.”

the last statement stirred something in lucas. he feels anger flare up in his chest as he responds.

“you know, eliott, you’re always telling me what i want and don’t want. but this time i’m choosing what’s good for me!” he’s raising his voice way louder than he normally would, almost shouting.

lucas turns to leave. he’s about to start down the stairs when he feels eliott’s hand around his upper arm.

“lucas, please just- don’t go, okay?” eliott says, and if lucas wasn’t so upset, he probably would have enjoyed hearing the desperation in eliott’s voice, “i’ll- what do you want me to do?”

what does lucas want him to do? can he even ask him to do that? is it his place to ask for this? lucas decides that he doesn’t care, doesn’t care if it’s right, doesn’t care if he’s sounds needy.

“break up with lucille,” lucas says, eyes earnest, searching eliott’s, “if you break up with lucille then i’ll stay. you call her right now and i’ll stay.”

“you know i can’t do that,” is all eliott says in response.

“well why fucking not eliott?”

“i just can’t, okay!”

“why? why? because i know you don’t love her,” lucas says, “what is it, eliott?”

“it’s just- it’s easier with her,” eliott says, sounding almost defeated.

“as opposed to with me?”

“no, of course not,” eliott says, reaching out for lucas but he pulls away, “but lucille- she knows me better than anyone. she can handle me at my worst. i don’t want to put that on you.”

that pisses lucas off. it’s either condescension or self pity, and lucas doesn’t know which one is worse.

“i’m leaving, eliott.”

he starts to walk down the stairs. he had half hoped that eliott would follow him, but the lack of footsteps behind him confirms that eliott is still standing at the top of the stair case. just when lucas is about to disappear from eliott’s range of sight, he hears him calling him.

“wait, lucas.” eliott hesitaties for a few seconds before continuing,” i- i love you.”

lucas stops walking but he doesn’t turn around or reply. after a few seconds of agonising silence, eliott speaks again.

“aren’t you- don’t you love me?” eliott says, voice quiet and pathetic sounding.

lucas doesn’t know if he loves eliott. he cares about him, and wants to be with him. lucas thinks that he could love eliott, if they had a chance to have an actual relationship. but that’s not the case. they won’t get that chance.

lucas turns around to face eliott again, one last time before leaving. 

“does it really matter now?”

he starts walking down the stairs again, this time not stopping to hear eliott call or beg him to come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well thank you for reading. my tumblr is ‘butforwardiscalling’, come say hey.


	5. closure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s hard to get closure on a relationship that never really happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so we’re at the last chapter! this is my first work with multiple chapters and now we’ve reached the end. i’m actually really proud of this work and i hope you’re all as happy with it as i am.
> 
> my tumblr is ‘butforwardiscalling’.

that was the end of it, really. eliott went back to lucille and lucas moved on. or, rather, he moved on as much as he could. it’s hard to get over something properly when it was barely something to begin with. it’s hard to get closure on a relationship that never really happened. when neither he or eliott acknowledged their feelings. not really, not properly.

a couple of weeks after the “break up”, if you could call it that, eliott showed up at his apartment. the night before, the boys had decided that lucas needed to get out of the flat for a night, after sulking around for the last couple of weeks. “if i didn’t know better, lucas,” arthur had said after the first week, “i’d say you’d gotten your heart broken.” lucas had just laughed and changed the subject, but he couldn’t ignore yann’s concerned look. yann was the only one who had seen eliott that morning, after all. yann, for what it’s worth, hadn’t said anything about that morning since, but lucas is sure that he had connected the dots between his “sulking”, as basile put it, and the guy he had seen lucas with that morning.

so the boys took him out. they went to some club near the university. the plan was just to get wasted and have a good time, but lucas knew that wouldn’t happen from the moment he walked in.

the universe had it out for him, really and truly. he must have done something awful in a past life (lucas determinately ignored the awful things he did in this life), because the second he walked in the door of the club, he spotted eliott and lucille by the bar. eliott looked miserable, lucas had noted, shamefully gleeful at the thought. lucille looked slightly less miserable, at least like she kind of wanted to be there, but, honestly, she didn’t look ecstatic either.

lucas had an awful night. his first thought, however fleeting, when he saw eliott had been to make him jealous by flirting with some guy, but genuinely? he hadn’t had the energy. he didn’t have it in him and eliott looked unhappy enough as it was. and lucas had felt just as bad as eliott looked. lucas went home half an hour into the night, leaving the boys behind in the club. he hadn’t even gotten decently drunk at that point, but he didn’t care. well, he did care, actually, because being drunk would have made his night just that little bit more bearable, but, walking home from the club, he already felt like he had a hangover, feeling sick to his stomach and shaky with a headache. the look on eliott’s face as he saw lucas leave the club had done that to him. he looked devastated. lucas didn’t know how else to describe it. _devastated_.

lucas woke the next morning to yann sticking his head into lucas’ room. yann’s furrowed brow and frown barely registered in lucas’ mind as yann spoke.

“there’s uh, there’s someone here to see you. some guy.” yann threw him a t-shirt as he roused himself, running a hand through his hair.

“thanks man.”

“uh lucas?” yann says, and lucas just ‘hm’s is response, “it’s that guy, from- from the morning of the festival. the one that stayed over with you.”

and with that, lucas’ heart dropped into his stomach. of course it was eliott. lucas doesn’t know why he didn’t figure it out immediately. what other guy would be calling around to his apartment?

“oh god,” he says, “oh god, yann. you have to get rid of him. please.”

yann looks panicked, like this was the last reaction he was expecting from lucas.

“get rid of him? how?” yann asks, “i already told him you were here.” yann looks genuinely distressed, and slightly guilty.

“look, it doesn’t matter how. push him out the goddamn door for all i care.”

lucas knew he was being harsh but he couldn’t talk to eliott. he can’t think of anything that eliott could possibly want to say to him that lucas would want to hear. lucas wasn’t strong enough to reject eliott again. he would do it, if he had to, but going through it again would break him. he wasn’t strong enough.

yann rushes back out to the living room, to where eliott was presumably waiting for lucas to show up. lucas could hear them talking quietly as yann arrives. voices start to get a little louder and lucas is almost rocking himself back and forth, he’s that stressed. he trusts yann to handle the situation, but he doesn’t know how eliott will react to being shoved out of the apartment without having seen lucas. _no_ , lucas thinks to himself, _yann is a big guy, he can handle himself._

he can hear snippets of what’s being said.

“i just want to talk to him,” eliott is saying, and lucas can imagine his hands waving around as he’s saying it.

“he doesn’t want to see you,” yann replies firmly, and lucas can picture him standing tall, arms crossed across his chest, “now, please leave.”

“i’m not leaving.”

“don’t make me carry you out myself,” and lucas knows he has to stop this. he can’t listen to it anymore.

he walks out of his room, hesitantly, into the living room. eliott’s eyes light up when he sees him. he rushes over to him immediately, almost pushing yann out of the way in the process.

“lucas, baby,” eliott says reaching out for him, and when lucas pulls away, it feels like déjà vu, “i really need to talk to you.”

lucas can see arthur and basile exchange confused looks at the use of the word ‘baby’. yann just looks angry.

“don’t call me that, eliott,” lucas says, clenching his jaw, “i’m not your baby.”

“look, can’t we talk about this? please?” eliott asks and he looks desperate, like the very thought of lucas not hearing him out breaks his heart.

“okay sure, let’s talk,” lucas says in a falsely optimistic voice, “have you broken up with her yet?”

lucas purposely leaves lucille’s name out of it, because the boys have surely heard lucas talk about her before, even in passing. eliott’s face falls at the mention of her anyway. he doesn’t say anything.

“that’s what i thought,” lucas says, malice dripping from his voice, because somewhere, deep down inside of him, in the dumbest and most naive part of him, lucas had thought that eliott was here to tell him that they could finally be together, “you disgust me, eliott. you’re never satisfied, are you? you just have to break my heart, over and over again.”

eliott at least has the decency to look ashamed. lucas knows that it’s not fair to put the blame fully on eliott, because it takes two to tango, but lucas just doesn’t understand why eliott can’t leave well enough alone. they did what they did, they broke each other’s hearts and now they should move on, if they weren’t going to try and have a real relationship.

“i think you should leave, eliott,” lucas says.

eliott is silent for a moment. he looks up, into lucas’ eyes, holding his gaze there for what feels like eternity but is probably just about seven seconds, and lucas knows what he’s going to do. he knows because lucas is thinking about the exact same thing.

eliott closes the gap between them in two short steps, and presses his lips to lucas’, and lucas just melts into him. he winds his hands around eliott’s neck and eliott takes hold of his waist. the kiss only lasts about half a second, before lucas realises what they’re doing. that the boys are still in the room, that eliott still has a girlfriend. he pushes eliott off of him.

“jesus, eliott, just stop,” lucas exclaims, “why can’t you just leave me alone and let me get over this? over you?”

eliott looks properly chastised. he looks at the ground, without saying a word.

“i’m sorry, lucas,” he says and he sounds so small. for a second lucas wants to wrap his arms around him again.

“alright, dude, i think it’s time for you to go,” yann says, breaking the silence, putting his hand on eliott’s arm and leading him, or, indeed, almost dragging him out the door.

when he returns, yann steps into lucas’ personal space and wraps his arms around lucas and settles them down onto the couch. he’s distantly aware of basile and arthur leaving the room. yann lets lucas cry into his chest for what feels like hours and he doesn’t ask him any questions. sometimes lucas forgets how good of a friend yann is.

lucas doesn’t see eliott again for weeks after that. and when he does see him again, they don’t acknowledge each other. they never speak again after the morning in the apartment. and lucas really does move on this time. he still never really gets closure but he tries not to think about it. lucas dates a couple of different guys, and they’re not eliott, but nobody is. lucas thinks that might be a good thing.

lucille doesn’t sit beside him in physics anymore. one morning, she came in and sat right at the back of the lecture hall. at first lucas had just thought that she was absent, but at the end of the lecture, he had seen her leaving. he tried to talk to her but she avoided him. she’s still avoiding him. lucas doesn’t know what that means for her and eliott’s relationship. lucas genuinely doesn’t know if eliott and lucille are still together, and he’s trying not to care. even if they weren’t still together, lucas knows now that a relationship with eliott would be a bad idea. he’d be paranoid and jealous, considering how their short lived “relationship” began. he doesn’t want to become what lucille had been in her relationship. the victim, the one being cheated on. he couldn’t handle it. and from the look on her face these days, neither could lucille.

so lucas started dating this guy; darren, his name is. gorgeous and super sweet, studying to become an engineer. tall, with dark skin and a deep, infectious laugh. he was very funny but not really the creative type. almost the exact opposite of eliott. he treated lucas so well. brought him on dates, bought him presents, met his mother, brought lucas to meet his own mother. lucas thinks that he might love him. he thinks that darren loves him back.

truthfully, eliott is not really on the forefront of lucas’ mind these days, and for that, lucas is thankful. but some days, lucas will catch a glimpse of eliott from across campus, and lucas’ chest will ache, and he wonders about other universes. universes in which lucas never meets eliott. universes in which eliott never dated lucille. universes in which lucas was able to do casual relationships. in which lucille didn’t take physics. in which lucas had taken a gap year and wasn’t in lucille’s class that year. in which eliott breaks up with lucille the first time lucas asked him to. universes where they had a chance.

then lucas will blink and be brought back to reality and he tightens his grip on his boyfriend’s hand and keeps walking. but sometimes, late at night, lucas will think about eliott and lucas #465 and how they’re the ones lying side by side instead, and he’ll smile, if only for a second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the idea of lucas using his parallel universes to get closure or whatever is really interesting to me.
> 
> my tumblr is ‘butforwardiscalling’, so come say hey.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading. i’m already working on the next chapter but i’m not sure when it’s going to come out.
> 
> my tumblr is ‘butforwardiscalling’ so come say hey


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